The Moment When I Was Allowed to Speak

Have you ever been in a crowd or group of people and realize you feel as though what you have to contribute means nothing to anyone else in the group? Everyone is talking over each other and you are left as a spectator. Then out of the complete random blue someone asks you what you think, or in my case “what is your purpose in life”?

You scramble quickly to formulate an answer that will elevate you conversation worthiness but then quickly realize you are too old to worry with what they think of you so you answer honestly. I am here to make people feel better about themselves. Meaning that you are here for others.

At first this may sound simple or unimportant but in truth it is a much higher level than most will ever achieve. You are giving up ego and the implied sense of self worth as it relates to society for a greater purpose.

Chances are those who operate at those “higher levels” will never truly comprehend “the greater good” or “for the betterment of all”. You will often be left feeling disillusioned and used. You will be correct in this analysis! You are disillusioned if you think those
Alpha males and females have the ability to see past their egos, they do not. Never have and never will!

So at this point of realization how do you cope? How do you cope in society everyday? The world is fraught with intellectuals or people who deem themselves as such. They really are not; any one can read a book and take a test or write a paper. So who are the real intellectuals? In my opinion they are stewards of continual learning those who can stop talking, listen and learn from what they hear. These people are few and far between. I aspire to be one of these celestial beings.

Not yet, I am not there just yet, for I am still hurt by the words put in my mouth by others. Still hurt by the people who use me for the little money I make and the great strokes I give their egos.

So help me find the strength to keep giving and realize that a martyr is nothing to strive for. I need to strive to be a person who accepts all for who they are, including herself!

How did we get here?

Today I read of a red dress, crazy characters of hyperbole and a half (yea I know ... you have to read it to get it), accommodations, and my unwillingness to participate in the correct manner of living. So what do I take away from this? Some get it, most do not. What does this mean? Sit, read, and project this onto yourself.

So where do these crazy ideas of self fulfillment, personal quests, and just being down right proud of myself come from? We women are taught to look after others, stroke egos, stop and clean up the mess, and for the most part we do. So how did I end up with all these self centered ideas? Well some of it is nature but a good portion is nurture.

I was once told that I have lived three lifetimes and now I am looking for a fourth. My response: hopefully it will be closer to eight or nine! Yes I have gone, seen and done but I am nowhere near done. I attribute my outlook in life to my Dad. A great man he is! Always a smile and a positive attitude until things are too much to bear then he'd always have the best smart ass remark that could make anyone laugh. With his guidance and my completely unplanned, buckshot approach to life I have managed to find the most wonderful thing in the world. ME!!

I have learned that even when things seem to be at the darkest, the sun is just on the horizon. Life is truly what you make it. You do not need to make yourself fit into the pigeonhole society created. So what if you think differently, the sun will still come up tomorrow at the appointed time ... and .... life will go on.

If you live a different life than the rest, as I do, and believe in something all your own, you are not wrong. If this something has not been published or spoke on, it does not make it incorrect. It just makes it yours! Be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished .. or not accomplished! To accomplish anything that is not of your desire, is not an accomplishment at all. It is someone else's accomplishment. So pride yourself on setting new standards and being you. You are unique and need no confirmations from society to know that you are wonderful ... just as you are!

Conventionality?

Meaning: Conformity with conventional thought and behavior.

Is this really where we want to be? Conventional, I don't want to be conventional! In a box, predictable, that's not for me!

Yes I have to conform at work because I have to pay bills. Is that who I am? No it is not! How do I, we, stand up for what is right? How do we stand up and still pay the bills? How do we achieve those higher levels of understanding while still adhering to conventionality? It seems impossible.....

My heart says one thing .. my brain ... says the same thing (with a warning)! Follow your heart! Has conventionality given you a better sleep at night? No it has not!!

Why not stand up for what you believe in? Fear? Yes, fear it is! Will that immobilize me? No it will not! I can still act.. in today’s society we can out think conventionality and the "Good ole Boys" will be none the wiser.

We the peons can still have a voice and support those who speak up without losing safety.  Safety may sound weak to some, however to those of us who have no one but ourselves to fall back on, this makes perfect sense!

So speak up -- anonymously -- do it for all of us!! Practice anonymously, there is nothing wrong with scripting your conversation before actually having it, and before you know it you will be having your conversation with others.